A Man Saw The Devil
by Vul Soren
Summary: A Father works on the house of God, a man comes claiming he has seen the Devil and that he's out to get his soul, the Father edges out what the Devil looks like and who he is, but is the Father strong enough to handle this man's claim?[SHORT SKITS]Along with a cat and possible add-ons.
1. Preach More About Common Sense

A man approached me in the church of God, he looked around frantically, he seemed lost for words, as he approached me his head stooped low as he spoke out," I've seen the Devil, and it is not my wife."

I looked down to the man," Help me Father, I cannot face him again," the man pleaded.

"What is your struggle, my son?" I asked intrigued by this frightened man.

"The Devil has come to me, to take my soul, his shadow chasing me in my own home, with all my Mary posters, all of them eaten!"

I raised an eyebrow, the Devil eating a picture of Mother Mary most unsettling," Mary, the Devil has eaten Mother Mary, are you sure it is so."

"I'm sure alright, pieces were left," then man went to his knees and started to sob, I bent down and looked him in the eye," one had her beautiful blonde hair and her creamy white tits," the man sobbed. _What an idiot!_

"My son, that wasn't Mary." I looked him in the eye.

"It wasn't. Then who?"

"It was Marilyn Monroe-," I started but was cut off.

"How do you know it was Marilyn Monroe?" His face confused.

"I have my free time-well anyway its none of your concern," I said lifting him up to his feet, _nearly gave that one away, if the brothers learn of that..._ ," now you said the Devil called you by your name."

"Yes, the Devil said my name, shouted to me," the man said," ALF! ALF!, the Devil cried, you see, my wife calls me Alf, but my real name is Alfred."

"And you said you've seen the Devil, what does he look like?"

"Yes, he runs on four legs! Chasing me around the corners with a bone that squeaks."

I wanted to smack the idiot, and I did knocking him to the wooden floor, then pointing my finger at him and then back to myself," That's a dog, waste my fucking time, now pray to God that I don't become your devil-because the devil looks like me now you bastard!"


	2. Cat vs Devil

_[This scene follows inside the mind of a cat facing the devil and being the hero of our story, this story will probably let you know what cats think, so if you want your cat to feel wanted and not receive 'chocolate' from him or her then I suggest you read **carefully** , because no one knows what they might do...]_

* * *

It was like any other day in my life, the people I lived with humans, of what they called themselves so, and the way they bathe is the weirdest ever. Well it started normal, the smallest waking up and chasing me around the house, and every morning I run like a cat out of hell. At every night the Devil would return!

So this is how it went-She, the youngest would came down the stairs, and cried," Sur Pounce A Lot, Fluffy, among other things," and there it started, as I booked it across the floor and down the hall, meowing for everyone to help," Oh, fuck, she's up!," and in the kitchen I was, jumping on the table, and lost traction and over the table I slid and on the refrigerator, as I then slowly slipped down to the floor, dazed, here she was picking me up and the love was too rough for me.

Later that day was when the humans sat down and ate. I wasn't given the place on honor at the table, with all the work I do catching mice for these lazy bastards! We'll I'll get me some food, and so I went to the mom, and brushed up against her leg meowing," Come on, any day now."

The mom then said," No I can't give you this, it'll make our pussy fat," she cooed.

I sat on my haunches," Bitch, you can spare some, your ass is fat enough," I meowed.

"No, no, a kitty can't."

"Bitch please, you can't understand me because or any other asshole around here is dumb, and don't know cat, and you should, cause that's what goin' around the neighborhood, cat, the new dog, the gangstas pussy will get your ass, I'll let them piss and shit in my yard to get at you."

Then even later, the son, the coolest of the family was scratching me," Harder Goddamnit!" I meowed.

Then night came, and the Devil with it too," Devil, how dare return!"

"I mock thee cat," the Devil said running his naked ass through the house, me hot on his heels," Haha hahahahaha, hehe hehehehe he!"

"Hold," I pounced.

"Still," I pounced again.

"You," again for the third time.

"Demon!" And still I missed, but the chase was still on...

* * *

"Awww, that so cute." The mom said, watching the cat meow and pounce on the red light that her husband would flash on the ground.


	3. My Wife Is Having Issues

[ _This scene follows a man returning from work to a stressed wife, this gentleman gets no remorse]_

* * *

It was like any normal day, come home to a quiet house and a happy wife, but when I stepped up to the door and found it open, just a crack, _this is weird._ I walked in, the hall light was off, and it smelt of something burning, I walked in further," Hello," a demonic voice cracked loudly. If I would have been smart I would have answered," Goodbye," softly and low, but this was my home, I needed to get my family out if it were cursed.

I stepped in the dinning room where the demonic voice had come from, and there sat what I thought was my wife, her face sagged low, the corners of her mouth were about to hit the ground of how she frowned, and her brow was creased with lines of that awful frown.

"Hey, sweetie," I said walking closer and turning the light on.

My wife then screamed in the demonic voice," Turn it off, turn the light off," as the light hit her, I did, running back to the light and away from the demon that has overtaken my once lovely wife.

"Would did you do that," she growled then raised her voice," better yet, why have you left me here, alone with those goddamn kids!"

She pointed upstairs, I swallowed hard, I walked over to the stairs, she was mad-she has lost it," Children, daddy is home," I said up the stairs, I knew they were awake, as they came slowly down the stairs," Hurry the fuck up! Your mother has flipped her fucking lid! Come on!" And down they came, I looked back to my wife," Where should I take them?"

Her face deepened and her eyes became darker," I don't give a damn where you take them, just take the little bastards."

"Go out to the car, daddy will be out soon and we'll go to grandma's," their faces lit up, and my wife snorted.

Off they went, all three, when they were gone I went to the phone in the hallway," Oh, hell no, don't you dare call the men in white, I ain't crazy!"

My wife was right behind me," I'm not calling an institute, I'm calling a priest to save your possessed ass," I said then dialing the number.


End file.
